But the greatest of these is love
(Story is shortened)
Unexpectedly you came into my life … I was not searching for someone like you. It just happened and you swept me of my feet with your beauty. The first time I saw you I was in awe. A dream girl so beautiful in all ways I can think of. But your beauty concealed a darkness I could not see at first.
You fed my soul all your beautiful lies making me believe you are here to protect me, to free me from my darkness that I have been fighting all my life. If I only could see the truth that you were actually here to hurt me, to break me, to destroy the man I am or could become, to let the darkness consume me … You are a goddess of darkness disguised in a beautiful angel like character inside and out and you tried to blow out the last bit of light that was still within my heart.
Your main purpose was narcissistic motivated and would destroy
my family … my wife … my kids … ME! You quickly seeked out my weakness and exploited my goodness and used it against me to hook your devious claws into my heart. I saw you as my saviour, the most beautiful protector of them all. I saw you as a kind hearted loving un-judgemental … and a child of God!
How blind I was to the deceit …
I was so blinded by your beautiful deception that I could not even see any of this. Deep in my heart I knew that all is not as it seems, but I chose to believe in the goodness of your heart. It was just a shame that the goodness of your heart was filled with deception, deceit, lies, selfishness, trickery, and darkness!
But by the grace of God He gave me a gift to protect me … the unconditional love from my wife.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Darkness changed me into someone I was not. It transformed me. I was no longer even half the man I was before she came into my life. I did things I normally would not do; I could no longer have a clear mind for any rational judgment. These changes within me was caused by the darkness and made me believe that I am a better man, the man I was supposed to be! Deep inside I felt the hurt of a man being change into something he is not.
I could no longer call myself a man, I could no longer look into a mirror because the man I saw was somebody I have never seen before … I did not like him, I was ashamed of him!
But then I chose to fight against this darkness to become the man I was born to be. I had to protect myself from these inner demons and created defensive walls around my heart.
To fight this fight alone was a losing battle!
It only took one smile, one look into her dreamy eyes, one word of affection, one touch … and all my defensive walls where demolished! I was there for the taking, to be eaten by the darkness, to be destroyed!
I became blind to the darkness that was slowly consuming me and making me believe that this darkness is actually the light, my salvation, my peace, my strength. All that I loved … all that I lived for I started to put aside to make space for the darkness that was masked as a fairy tale.
I had three reasons to hold on fighting the fight to survive, a gift of God and my wife.
My wife revealed a little piece of God’s love to me. She made me believe in love again … in truth … in trust … she defines love! Her kindness, her tolerances, her selflessness, her forgiveness, her passion for the man she married 20 years ago even after all the pain I caused!
All of us have a dark side – some people’s darkness are released by a bad childhood or a traumatic experience in their life. You then hide it from the world, ashamed of it! Even though it’s not your doing it was released and now you fear what the world or the people you love will think of you.
If you want to fight it and you want to win this war against the darkness you will have to reveal it to the one you love the most. If she or he accepts you for the person you really are, dark side included you have found the love of your life, your soulmate, your other half, your everything!
How blessed you are if you find that special person that is given to you by God. I had to walk through hell itself to discover this amazing love and wisdom, and the only way I found my way out of this dark place called hell is by my loving wife holding my hand each step of the way. She endured more pain and suffering that I can describe – pain that could kill a man. Her legs could not walk any more for they were filled with agony of carrying all my burdens … she could not see through her eyes because there was nothing left after all the tears of sorrow … she was weakened by all the arrows of anguish piercing her heart … she had no more blood flowing through her veins to fuel her body to keep on fighting … but her love for me kept her alive and made her see a way where there is no way, her love was the strength that carried us through hell!
Some people in this world destroy all that is beautiful … and some are born to protect all that is beautiful … never give up!
1 Corinthians 13
So now abide faith, hope, and love, these three. But the greatest of these is love.