Suffering and hurting
We were 7 children from a broken home.
Since I was 18 years old I knew that I could not have children. I was married to a good man for 7 years, but we separated because I had an affair. He has died in the meantime.
In September 2001 my beloved 37-year old sister, together with her husband and 2 sons, were instantly killed in a car accident. My poor mother! Have I dealt with this? NO! I never blamed the Lord or asked questions but I could not mourn and haven’t in the meantime. I only have a huge emptiness and longing. A hole was torn from my heart.
I met someone again and married in June 2001. Together we drank, smoked, laughed and had good times and were simply ‘happy’. It was a stormy marriage. On 13 December 2007 the Lord STOPPED me in my tracks by means of a car accident that was supposed to leave me paralyzed from my neck downwards. He forced me to my knees and I met Him (I thought I knew God). Three months in hospital and God my only Salvation. I then also realized what family is. They stood by me in a way only family can and my body slowly healed and the same with my soul. I can walk, although I have scars on my body and in my heart. But I still haven’t arrived. I stoppped drinking after the accident (I only drank on occasions but I drank TOO much) and on 5 April 2012, I put my last cigarette out. All glory to God the Father. Until this day I haven’t touched a cigarette again.
My husband kept on drinking and smoking and he received a 5-vein bypass. He changed after the operation… to more alcohol and cigarets. The operation knocked his ego and manhood. He started with verbal abuse – about my faith, my job and even because I’m not drinking and smoking anymore. His life revolved around himself. It is almost 6 years later… we all have choices… I am still with him but stay on my knees that God will stop his drinking. When he is sober, he is the best person ever, but unfortunately that is seldom. He is 63 and gave up on life, he even talks about suicide.
I pray for my husband to stop drinking, but also to get spiritually stronger. Without God I cannot keep on walking the way.
“… For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.